HOUSE M.D. FIC: Bombed

[flywoman]

Title: Bombed
Fandom: House M.D.
Rating: PG
Pairing: House/Wilson friendship
Words: 393
Summary: Wilson doesn’t know what hit him. Ficlet written for the Sick!Wilson Prompt BINGO Challenge. Happy belated birthday!
Thanks: To jezziejay  for beta :)

 

When Wilson finally regained consciousness, he reached for the alarm clock and accidentally slapped House in the face. “Sorry,” he mumbled automatically before his befuddled brain caught up and asked him just what the hell House’s head was doing on the pillow next to his anyway. Wilson’s own head ached, and his stomach was roiling in protest. He was suddenly aware that his mouth tasted simultaneously sweet and rancid, as if a chocolate bunny had crawled in and died. He smacked his lips experimentally and then wished he hadn’t.

House was regarding him with a slightly guilty air. “Good morning, sunshine.”

For some reason Wilson was lying on his stomach. He started to push himself up and immediately regretted it. House put out a cautionary arm. “Don’t move too much. You’ve got an IV in.”

Wilson turned his head gingerly to the right and eyed the stand next to the bed, following the line from the drip chamber down to the cannula in his median cubital. “What the…”

“Saline,” House supplied. “Rehydration therapy.”

“What… happened to me last night?”

“You were the victim of my version of a giant Irish Car Bomb cupcake.” Seeing Wilson’s blank expression, he elaborated, “Several rounds each of whiskey, Bailey’s, and Guinness, and a double layer chocolate cake. With candles, of course.” Off Wilson’s look of disbelief, he added, “Don’t worry, I had the fire extinguisher ready.”

“Wow, House, that’s really…”

“Insensitive?” House suggested brightly.

“I was going to say ‘nauseating.’” Wilson closed his eyes. “I think I’m going to be sick.”

“You already have been. Repeatedly. It’s starting to get old.”

“God.” Wilson let his head sink back down onto the pillow and gulped unhappily against the threatening bile. “Why did you let me drink all that crap?”

“I couldn’t say no.” House gave him a pained look. “It was your birthday.”

“I don’t even remember eating cake.”

“After all that alcohol, I’d be surprised if you remembered having sex with the entire nursing staff. It’s okay, I made them all use protection. Jeffrey bitched a little, but-“

“House. Why are you still talking?”

“Well, look who’s Mr. Crankypants this morning.”

“Can’t you just leave me alone to die in peace?”

House pouted. “You’re no fun. We haven’t even gotten to the traditional birthday spanking.”

“Oh,” Wilson assured him, “we’re getting closer to it all the time.”

 

Author’s Note: If you’ve never had an Irish Car Bomb cupcake, check this out.

 

Comments

[writerdot.livejournal.com]

This made me giggle so hard.

I especially loved this:

“After all that alcohol, I’d be surprised if you remembered having sex with the entire nursing staff. It’s okay, I made them all use protection. Jeffrey bitched a little, but-“

It nearly had Diet Coke coming out of my nose. I really need to stop drinking that when I'm reading fics...

Great job!

[cuddyclothes.livejournal.com]

He was suddenly aware that his mouth tasted simultaneously sweet and rancid, as if a chocolate bunny had crawled in and died.

I loved this, and suffice to say, I felt like barfing when I read the Irish Car Bomb cupcake recipe! Erk...

[all-things413.livejournal.com]

It's stuff like this that makes me glad I don't drink.

Good story. I bet getting drunk on cupcakes was an interesting experience despite my personal view on the consummation of alcohol. Wilson didn't seem to think that it was a good idea when he woke up.

[jezziejay.livejournal.com]

Oh, poor Mr. Crankypants (Crankyslacks??), that House is a very, very bad influence on him! Long may it continue...
Great fun, really made me giggle :)

I've never even had a hangover. You haven't been out with me. Yet ;)

[blackmare.livejournal.com]

Oh, this is just perfect. House so would. All of it -- the booze, the cake, the jokes, the IV. All of it.

&hearts &hearts &hearts

[rslhilson.livejournal.com]

LOL! This was really, really awesome. It doesn't get any better than the Nurse Jeffrey line...priceless :)

[srsly-yes.livejournal.com]

You had me at, as if a chocolate bunny had crawled in and died. And bonus points for Nurse Jeffrey!

[damigella-314.livejournal.com]

"He smacked his lips experimentally and then wished he hadn’t."
I've never had a hangover either but I know how an angry liver feels like.

And I think alcohol and chocolate go well together: as a child, my mother made tiramisu with crème cacao instead of coffee because she thought children shouldn't have coffee. But poor, poor Wilson... bet he's so looking forward to the traditional birthday spanking!

You're a genius!

[yarroway.livejournal.com]

I started smiling at, '“Insensitive?” House suggested brightly,' and it just got better from there. I love the tone of this piece, you captured House perfectly, and that last line was just precisely right. *mems*

[menolly-au.livejournal.com]

Love the last line :) Very thoughtful of House to provide an IV after getting Wilson in this state :) Great fic!

[readingrat.livejournal.com]

menolly-au noted that obesity hasn't been done yet as a cause for sick!Wilson, but he's definitely heading that way - if his liver survives long enough. This is certainly a new definition of 'Bombed', much better than the explosive variety.

House's bedside manners lack that touch of caring and empathy that a sick person might desire. It's probably a good thing that in the show Wilson isn't sick much.

[hawaii5063.livejournal.com]

So much fun in such a tiny piece. Seems exactly like the kind of birthday party House would throw Wilson.

A few of my favorite lines:

“After all that alcohol, I’d be surprised if you remembered having sex with the entire nursing staff. It’s okay, I made them all use protection. Jeffrey bitched a little, but-“

and

House pouted. “You’re no fun. We haven’t even gotten to the traditional birthday spanking.”

“Oh,” Wilson assured him, “we’re getting closer to it all the time.”

Also, very funny working in that ridiculous overused-by-media-critics phrase 'Mr.Crankypants', and putting it onto Wilson!